Exercise 2: Story 3

Matrem

An inch away from the end of his life, an old man recalls his regret of being a man without love for a mother.

 

Today is the last day of my life.

I can feel my last breath drawing near.

As I look through the bars of my ward’s window, I can feel the wind carry all my memories of this one hell of a ride.

. . .

It was a blue afternoon.

I was lying face down on the sand; being a sea turtle.

The pleasant breeze of the nonchalant, ever-rolling waves clasped my small body.

The bright sunlight bathed me.

I was enjoying the heat, until a shadow approached me.

A shadow of my mother.

She hugged my body tightly while saying this, “It’s just the two of us now, honey.”

And then she burst into tears.

. . .

Ah, what a painful past indeed.

How can it not be?

I’ve only had 7 years to spend with my father.

His face was literally clouded from me.

. . .

“Stop bugging me, Mom!”, I said as I scurried away to my room upstairs, slamming the door which bears a lot of signs of eviction to anyone whom desires to enter my private sanctuary.

Yes, my mother was included.

I was being so young, and foolish.

Growing up without a father to look up to.

As a guy, I don’t like to be asked frequently about my day.

My days were all bad.

My looks were also bad.

I might look fierce, with all this studs on my clothes and pierced metals on my body, but it’s actually just a statement to tell everyone not to mess up with me.

I don’t have anyone to stand up for me.

I can’t afford to lose.

I was just scared of everything.

And I was ashamed of it.

I don’t like to share all this to you, Mom.

I’m a disgrace.

It’s better for you to stay away, I want to look tough under this puny façade.

I’m sorry that you have to cry again, but I’m helpless.

I need a man to teach me to be a man.

. . .

I looked at the clock once more.

How many minutes do I have left?

. . .

My adulthood was a mess.

The shame I felt growing up, became something too familiar to let go.

And it includes you, Mom.

I always shove my shoulders standoffishly when you tried to console me.

I lied to you so much and I deafened myself so that I am impervious to your advices, and tears.

I felt so content with myself until that day, when there’s only one left of the two of us.

The day when I realized that I was the worst man ever lived.

And this is true.

I lived the last years of my life in remorse and misery.

I am nothing without you..

. . .

Time is running out.

I am scared, yes I do.

But I’m also delighted.

In any moment, I will detach myself from this shriveled, wrinkled shell of what used to be a man.

I close my eyes.

I know I will see you again, Mom.

And you won’t be the one crying this time.